Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain
Don’t refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase; that’s what wild geese are for. –Henry S. Haskins
I became a risk taker in late in my late teens. A depression had settled over me and thoughts of suicide sometimes crossed my mind. Then it occurred to me that rather than do something so unimaginative like throwing myself off a bridge, I might as well live my life with abandon if I was that disposable.
My inner compass did not consider this as a license to make stupid choices like getting addicted to drugs or criminal behavior. Rather I decided to take risks and see what life could offer me in the realm of adventure. My first step was to extract myself from my miserable high school experience. I graduated from high school early and started attending my local community college- a total liberating experience.
Being in the out of doors was my first love. Whenever I could, I pushed myself physically by backpacking, rock climbing, cross-country skiing, attending Outward Bound & National Outdoor Leadership courses, winter and summer.
After university, I traveled to Alaska alone for my first job. My stay there extended to 10 years. During that time I explored remote places on foot, skis, snowmobile, by boat, kayak, and raft. One winter I lived in a wall tent in the bush researching pine martin in subzero temperatures. I commercial fished for crab, worked in a sawmill (the only woman) and built a cabin in the woods. The list goes on. Those experiences were challenging but it was then I felt fully alive. They became my stories.
Then there were the more common risks. I risked marriage and then divorce. Then I risked another marriage, having a child, another divorce, grad school in my late 40’s and then teaching middle school until retirement. There were travels to Mexico and Central America alone to learn Spanish. Some of these experiences were some of my hardest. Yet looking back I gained so much wisdom and perspective from these trying times.
My risks are more tempered as I’ve entered my 60s. The chances I take now involve creativity. I write and make art. I hang over cliffs of words and paddle through images I put on paper. Sometimes I execute the challenges beautifully and then sometimes I tip over. I risk the judgment of others and my own, which can be far more brutal. Whatever, it’s still a journey, me alive navigating a path of growth.
I share my work to share my humanity with others- a tapestry of insecurities and victories, the risk of staying alive.
P.S. If you are suffering from depression, get help. Take that risk. I finally did. Medication and therapy can offer such relief. You are worth it!