In September of this year, I took up the task of writing my mother’s obituary. She passed away on June 28 from complications due to advanced Alzheimer’s at the age of 94. Previously I had never written an obituary .
An obituary announces the passing of a person’s death as a public notice in a newspaper, church bulletin, or the like. Usually, there is a brief biography and a photo, but everything else is up to the writer’s interpretation. An obituary can be solemn, funny, traditional, or even in poetic form. Writing Mom’s obituary begged the question ”What should be said about a loved one when they pass?” What was their essence? What was their legacy?
I didn’t like the idea of writing the 3rd person like a detached narrator so I made it clear this was from the viewpoint of her surviving adult children. I had to keep in mind that obituaries can be very expensive in major newspapers. Ultimately, my mother’s average-sized obituary at approximately 1000 words cost over $1000 in the San Fransico Chronicle for one run. Her local paper for the same obituary cost $300 with 4 courtesy copies thrown in with the deal. (non were included with the Chronicle). So yes, a lot of money but hey, you only die once and everyone deserves memorialization. In most cases, like in my mother’s, the deceased estate covers it.
It was therapeutic for me, the author, to cut through all my mother’s foibles as we had our differences and honor her- her accomplishments and her legacy, I also decided to mention some of her hardships growing up. Hardship is a pivotal force in a person’s life. I could see how her challenges as a child reflected in her parenting. In her last years with her memory loss, all that friction washed away like dust in the first rain of fall. It was an honor to summarize her life for all to see.
As for the picture? Rather than one from her youth, I chose one that was taken on her 80th birthday looking radiant with the celebration.
Having written my mother’s obituary, I wonder about my own. What would be written when all is said and done? I have considered writing my own and leaving it in my will giving me some authorship. I should include such things as
She liked to start her day with a steaming up of tea in her hand sitting up in bed with her pens & journal with a clear view of the bird feeder.
Felt complete with a dog and or a cat at her side
Liked to take adventures in the wilds, as well as in art, writing, and music
I’d like the picture of me taken by my friend Deb we were out on the Zumwalt Prairie in 2021. Then I would choose one of my doodles to be included.
Now I may be tasked with writing my step-daughter, Heather who recently passed. For this, I would solicit the help of her many friends to contribute their thoughts for a young woman who lived very large for her 38 years. This is a challenge I would be honored to take up.
As I think of the many people that have passed from my life this year, I also think of the other beings, favorite trees, dogs, cats, and the like that have crossed the rainbow bridge that I could memorialize. They certainly are deserving of an obituary as well, at least in my personal writing. I’m inspired by this worthy genre.
By Alanna Pass 